Here is my original free write for the "shark".
Free willy orca whale aquatic life bounding diving open water in distress? or celebrating freedom to be in the wild home is everywhere water ocean go and do whatever you please. Swim and leap the turbulent currents. Your only limit is the land. Back to earth boundaries everywhere deadlines, bills, schedules work to do. Be free when you can like a shark or whale or whatever the hell this thing is. Oh shit! Did I forget paperwork for Courtney? We can't even escape our minds, ourselves. How can we be free?
And here is the freewrite with the words from Carnage replaced:
Replaced father
Open fists
My disparity
ruining, composing
hollow head
broken off?
or waving rivulets
to be in the street
center was sky
arms, leaves paused and looked
whatever you please
Tell the evening
Your only trance is his face
Back to reds
Figures everywhere
arms, fists, wands
heads to batter
Be hollow when boys fall
like a figure or beetle or face
Did I follow father for limits?
Faces looked even cinereal
Evergreen
How can horizons be followed?
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1 comment:
I really like the replacement- some really interesting, powerful lines were made- "My disparity ruining, composing hollow head broken off?" Works really well
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