I ran across this quote the other day and I absolutely loooove it.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

She's the kind of girl - bad guy

She's the kind of girl who:

spread rumors
punched with words instead of fists
made her mom cry on christmas morning
could shred your self esteem with a single glance
threw beer in a girl's face
shops at Neiman Marcus
had ponies at her birthday party
would only eat organic foods
lives off of pita chips and hummus

Carnage freewrite exercise

Here is my original free write for the "shark".

Free willy orca whale aquatic life bounding diving open water in distress? or celebrating freedom to be in the wild home is everywhere water ocean go and do whatever you please. Swim and leap the turbulent currents. Your only limit is the land. Back to earth boundaries everywhere deadlines, bills, schedules work to do. Be free when you can like a shark or whale or whatever the hell this thing is. Oh shit! Did I forget paperwork for Courtney? We can't even escape our minds, ourselves. How can we be free?

And here is the freewrite with the words from Carnage replaced:

Replaced father
Open fists
My disparity
ruining, composing
hollow head
broken off?
or waving rivulets
to be in the street
center was sky
arms, leaves paused and looked
whatever you please
Tell the evening
Your only trance is his face
Back to reds
Figures everywhere
arms, fists, wands
heads to batter
Be hollow when boys fall
like a figure or beetle or face
Did I follow father for limits?
Faces looked even cinereal
Evergreen
How can horizons be followed?

I was thinking about movies where another element overpowers the plot. One movie that came to mind is "A Clockwork Orange". My deadbeat hippie ex-boyfriend made me watch this movie with him once. The whole thing was so freakin wierd that I had no clue what the heck was going on half the time. I suppose it was the visual elements that forgo the plot in this movie.

younger years

I want to go back to my younger years
when I didn't care
about anything...
I want to go back to the cops and robbers days
and play in the snow til my legs sting
But that's life man...
There are bills to pay
and things to be learned
and mommies and daddies to make proud
so we plug along
but never forget
how it felt to swing from the boughs of oaks

Mr. Dynamite

I really enjoyed the book. Even though Jarleth is a pretty disturbed guy, I really liked the abstract narration and the flow of the book. The whole book reads like a freewrite. Jarleth's thoughts just seem to spew out of his mind sometimes without any thought or reason. Its a refreshing take on a depressing tragedy, and I found many scenes and lines that were comedic, like a dark comedy. The book kind of reminded me of the movie "Running With Scissors".

The Hills

One of my favorite parts of the week in Monday night because of "The Hills" on MTV. A group of us watch it every week in our friend's room (who will remain nameless because his masculinity may be harmed haha). I love "The Hills" because a lot of the themes in the show are things we can all relate to, but with a crazy Upper Class, spoiled, Californian twist on them. All the people that watch it with us really have grown to love (and hate) some of the characters and have really become attached to the show.

Joining Alpha Chi Omicron sorority is pretty much one of the best things I have ever done. I know in my heart that I will be friends with these girls for the rest of my life, and if I ever needed anything in 50 years, they would be there for me no matter what. Sure there's drama. When is there not drama when you take the 10 baddest bitches in Canton and make them run an organization by themselves?... but nothing will ever change the bond that we have as sisters. We work hard... party hard... and love hard. Love my girls :)

"There Comes A Point In Every Friendship, Where You Stop Being Friends & Become SISTERS"

I LOVE Martha Graham.
She is a genius. Though not a physically attractive woman, I consider her one of the most beautiful people in the world because she was able to perfect movement of the body and is one of the most influential American comtemporary dancers. She was not only a dancer and teacher but a great philsopher in my opinion. Here is one of my favorite quotes by her:

"There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost."

2nd Dad Poem.

My second dad was Lawson
For 4 months out of the year.
Swim season. My diving coach.
He taped up my ankles
And praised me when I had perfect entries and good height and distance
And sometimes he bitched, but only when he knew I wasn’t trying
Or if I was being a baby
He could piss me off like no one else
And it made me stop being scared of hitting the board or slapping the water
Which I'm sure was the point.
Made me see my shortcomings as an athlete.
What a jerk.
God, sometimes I hated him.
My mom and dad wouldn’t come watch
Mom : I’m scared you’ll hit your head.
Dad: I’m running the whole goddamn school district, ask your mom.
But Lawson always came, even after they stopped paying him in the 10th grade.
He was my dad, Senior night
Gave me my bouquet of cheap carnations and kissed me on the cheek.
I loved him.
He believed in me.
I graduated high school and 2 years passed.
Then that miserable bastard went and died on me.
Motorcycle accident.
What a way to go, broken glass.

I'm sitting here struggling to figure out what I should write here. I thought I would start by writing about my personal difficulties with this class because really, that's all I can think about at this point. I am a total left brain thinker. My academic career has been based solely on math and sciences (social and physical). I look at everything analytically and am compulsively organized. This class is extremely difficult for me because it requires... well, creativity. (duh.) I look at everything from a scientific, logical view and it's hard for me to look at it any other way. The last fictional, creative book I read was for ENG101, which I took my senior year of high school in 2002. Ask me to rip apart a book and match components of the literature with literary terms, piece of cake, but dear God please don't ask me to write about how I feel about it or even worse ask me to write anything creative myself. The entire time I was reading Mr. Dynamite I was trying to psychoanalyze the narrator and come up with a clinical diagnosis to suit what his actions, speech, and emotions. Normal people don't do that! [I don't think.] Well, that's really all I have to say. Hopefully something more "creative" will come to my mind for the next post.

Piano Freewrite

my mom made me take lessons as a kid i hated it Karla Schaumbach was my teacher ugh she used to sing while i played and mess me up. her dog was cute but i hated the piano. Daddy gave me $1 if i played a song perfect for him but it was still bullshit like the songs in those dumb books like putt putt the speedboat. who cares and then adagios and allegras and concertos as i grew older but i always hated it. then when my sister started taking violin they made us play together. ah such ghastly noise schreeching of strings and plinking of keys then everyone hated it hahaha. then i came home one day 22 years old 5 years after moving out. my mom sold that goddamn thing i cried like the time i begged my mom to quit. she wouldnt let me. couldnt let go of her dreams for me a piece of both of us was lost that day

Art?

People are so easily manipulated. Some guy slaps a bunch of leaves and rocks together and we call him a genius. A toilet pictured upside down is a masterpiece. I cannot deny these pieces are visually stimulating perhaps even thought provoking for some, but I just don't see these things as art and I don't feel that I should have to apologize for it.
This is art to me.